Breaking up is hard enough, especially in long term relationships. You’ve devoted a good deal of time and effort into something that’s coming to an abrupt end. Yes, it’s painful, especially so if you continue to want your ex back. Here’s some advice on how to deal with this emotional roller coaster if you want your ex back…
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All break ups are different in how they got to the final split, but dealing with them is really very similar.
Firstly, whether you intend to get your ex back or not, you both need some time apart, even before speaking to one another on casual terms. This time lets out a lot of the built up anger and gives each side a look at life without the out in it. Whether it’s good for a rebound or not, it’s a needed first step. This could be a matter of a couple days or a couple weeks or even months.
Secondly, you need to identify what went wrong in the relationship. What took you both from “lovey dovey” to walking separate ways? Sometimes this is obvious (like when someone cheats), but a lot of times it takes some serious critical thought.
Third, ask yourself if you can change or if you can live with an ex that cannot change. If the reason (or the majority of the reason) for breaking up is due to something you did or a change on your part, then you will probably have to change back to make them happy again, or vice versa. However, if the break up is due to your ex, then you have to realize if your partner won’t change then it’s probably not going to work.
Fourth, talk to your partner. Let them know the time apart has been hard on you and you’ve identified areas that have changed for the worse and you would like to work on those things, with them, as a team.
You may want to seriously boost your chances of winning your ex back by getting some help from someone that has a reputation of reconnecting relationships.
See my story on what I did to get my girlfriend back and end my break up pain for good.